How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
