i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
