Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
