I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
