ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
