the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
