what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
