Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I skipped work to stalk him.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
