Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
