like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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