Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
