He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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