Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
