Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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