You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
