Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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