Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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