Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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