I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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