Girls should come with a carfax report
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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