Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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