you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so much tequila, so little girl.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
