I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
