I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
