I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
