If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
