I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I could fuck to npr.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
