So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
