Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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