Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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