Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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