so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
