...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
