What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize