margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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