You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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