He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
