he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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