the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize