Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
