Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
