College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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