you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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