youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
