So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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