That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
