Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
