he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
