grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
