Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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