I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
