Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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