this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
