I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
