Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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