How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
