Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize