Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
