So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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