There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
